today...

i woke up this morning lightly crying in my sleep because of a dream I had last night.
The person (him) had two other women he was stringing along (while he was stringing me along and I did not know it) for this last year that we spoke and emailed and played a dirty version of scrabble everynight.
ONe of the two women( for reasons I am trying to figure out) was in the dream. It's kind of sad that when we were together over 25 years ago I was so broken that even though I knew he was married I spent time with him every night for months. We never made love but we were together every night. IN my dream this other other woman was mocking me saying that he loved her more and i was stupid and basically telling me to FO because he was with her now and he really wanted nothing to do with me anymore. I do think he was in the dream too but I dont know what part he played.
what is even sadder now is i know he is a useless assclown but it breaks my heart that i was not the only one he was doing this with. I am disgusted with myself because he is still married like me now but this time I know and understand how his wife would feel and does feel but for a year I still "talked" to him and thought of him as I did twenty five years ago when I was not married.
I can't comprehend my feelings still thinking of him daily. Knowing what I know...